Confronting Fear

Despite my weak and confusing faith, I take this moment to put myself in Your Hands.
Despite my doubt, I ask You to fill this day with those things that I NEED to nourish my faith,
And help me (even FORCE me if You must)
Reject the things that my selfish and prideful ego THINKS I need.
You have blessed me with intelligence, but I often use this unwisely.
I seek You through my head, when I know that I can only find You with my heart.
Encourage me to use my intellectual knowledge to navigate this physical world,
But PLEASE … remind me that this is but an aid to my spirit within, NOT the reverse.
When I sense doubt and anxiety beginning to consume me, when nothing seems to make sense,
When my own mental powers become exhausted and trapped in confusion …
Remind me that You have indeed already shown me EVERYTHING that I need to ‘know’:

With quiet humility and true joy,
I can ignore ALL my intellectual doubts and fears
And rest peacefully in the spiritual knowledge that
You are indeed ALWAYS with me and ALWAYS in control.

Worry is nothing more than a constraint, which lowers our potential. Indeed, proceed wisely and confront true obstacles with perseverance and determination. But for God’s sake, and my own sanity, I try to leave anxiety for those looking for excuses to turn back. Wasting precious energy on doubt and worry may simply be a means to its own end. I’ve proven this throughout my life as I’ve often completely exhausted myself with worry before even stepping into the batter’s box to take my first swing.

If doubt or fear becomes the wall that stands in front of your dreams – call on friends to help you erect a ladder. Then climb the wall and stand on top of it. By conquering fear rather than running from it, you’ll gain a new and clear perspective of your dream. What seemed impossible becomes limitless and intriguing. As you stand on the wall (with fear beneath your feet) and gaze out towards your goal, you don’t see the finish line, just an encouraging road that twists and winds out into an endless horizon. And don’t be surprised … out on that road, beyond your human vision, there are indeed more walls stretched out across it. Just remember, each wall serves a perfect purpose. And by standing on top of it, you’ll see the next stretch of road that lies ahead … these are the next few miles of your walk. As you look out into all the wonder, see the mystery for all its glory. As you study this next leg of the journey try hard to not get anxious about the unknown details. Instead, enjoy the excitement and anticipation of the unknown. It is in “not knowing” that we remain curious and motivated to keep moving.

Your ego will tell you that the walls are too dangerous. It will try to convince you that this is a safe place and plant seeds of complacency. But honor that longing in your heart that begs you to move. Lean heavily on your spiritual knowledge. It is there that you will find the courage that you need to climb the wall. It is also there that you must remember to call out to others for help, as we simply were not designed to scale these walls alone.

Once on top of the next wall, again you’ll find all the Truth that you will need to navigate to the next obstacle. As you persist, you’ll undoubtedly come to understand the importance of the walls. They are the examples of our human limitations. It is indeed in their ominous shadows that we clearly see our weakness. Left to ourselves, we are defeated. But it is also here that we are forced to look beyond ourselves and hope for something greater. Intellect may tell us it is nonsense – that we should be able to do this on our own. But our heart insists there is more. It is here, in our spiritual knowledge, that we find the answer. Even though it may not make ‘sense’, we ‘know’ we must climb the wall AND we know we need help. We are indeed incomplete. By His design, we are perfectly imperfect. In Corinthians II God told Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” and Paul concluded, “When I am weak, then I am strong.”

It is in this way that God seems to miraculously fold everything back on itself. I hunger for knowledge, yet it is when I embrace my ignorance and the limitations of my mind that I gain spiritual wisdom. I long for love and attention until suddenly I realize that it is in the giving that I am made complete. I try to convince myself that I must be in control, yet it is in surrender that I find the peace for which I truly yearn. I seek to somehow gain this peace. I convince myself that I can achieve happiness or somehow earn freedom. But my efforts are in vain. It is not until I fall to the ground exhausted that I find my ego can no longer deceive me. I am defeated. And as suddenly as I accept this, Grace pours into me and I have won. Now anything is possible, as I am united with Him. In accepting my weakness, I can now acknowledge His limitless strength and accept His Love.

And this war continues … As my ego declares independence, I weaken, become confused, and lose my way. Strong and stubborn, it is not until I find myself lying exhausted at the base of another wall that my ego is once again exposed and must admit defeat. In my weakness, I provide the perfect opportunity for the Spirit to rescue me. He lifts me up; I make another ‘shift’ and look out at the horizon at the next leg of my journey.

Oddly, this leaves me full of questions and doubt. But despite this confusion, I realize that I can still 'know' His plan is perfect. And with all this, I’m left with the one simple choice that I think I DO control – the one thing that seems to be my major stumbling stone: How much do I want to engage in His Plan? Regardless of my choice, I believe His Plan remains perfect. But hopefully, by engaging more, I can spend less time disheartened at the base of the walls I encounter. If I could just embrace all that He is and truly let it consume me, I think I would be able to enjoy the journey more. Instead, I still too often find myself frustrated. My hope is that in learning to trust Him more I can find more peace and comfort within my own heart and have a more positive impact on the heart’s of others …

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